Hey boy there’s galaxies in your eyes,
Your soul has this light boy,
it makes the stars in your eyes shine bright,
So stand tall.
Your hands can build foundations man,
where people will flock for warmth,
Your mouth can breath words man,
And the people will listen,
Because I am listening…
NOTE: This is one of those poems that mean a lot to me. I didn’t write this poem thinking of myself. I wrote this poem for someone who would eventually become one of my best friends. He inspires me daily with his wisdom and thoughts. And he doesn’t know how much I write since meeting him. He has galaxies in his eyes and his path is a dusty one. Those are the people I keep in my inner circle. The people who inspire me and push me to be better than I already am. This poem is to you, my friend, my best friend, The Dusty Foot Philosopher; the Dark Night in the Bright Soul. May your path be lit with the fireflies of your past, leading you forward so you never have to take a step back.
The path ahead is clouded with doubt
It makes you silent when you want to scream and shout.
The path ahead is blurred by fear,
Of failing your goals and losing those near.
The path ahead is blocked by shame,
and you can’t go back, nothings the same.
The path ahead is shrouded by guilt,
of losing the hand that you were dealt.
But the path ahead contains a light,
that you can reach when the time is right.
So keep your goals ahead of you,
And NEVER let anyone tell you what to do.
For you are strong when your mind is clear,
and you walk your path without any fear.
Your drive and ambition inspire those that are close,
and they will be there for you when you need them the most.
Times are touch, this I know,
But you’ll come out on top and it will show,
See, the path ahead is blocked by you,
and only you know what you need to do.
So walk your path with your head held high,
Never stop and waver; never ask why.
Just move forward with your goals in sight,
Because now is the time you begin to greet your light.
Shhh, don’t tell anyone
let’s keep this between us and the stars.
As the wind blows over the imprints of our bodies in the grass,
Taking with it the secret of our past,
Only to place it somewhere in the future,
When we meet again under the same starry sky.
a punctuation mark (;) indicating a pause, typically between two main clauses, that is more pronounced than that indicated by a comma.
So recently Netflix gave the world their new series, “13 Reasons Why”, a show centered around a young high school students suicide. Now I am no critic, so I am not here to discuss the show in that sense or provide any spoilers. But the the show is centered around a young girl, who before committing suicide makes 13 tapes to send to the people who aided in her reasons why she did it. Now this show is difficult for anyone, but if you have ever had someone close to you commit suicide this show is even harder to watch. I
April 10, 2006…
A Monday. I had this best friend/brother who I was always with. This past weekend was different. I had not seen Patrick for over a week. He was depressed and didn’t want to hang out. I was worried but not enough. I just thought he and the on again off again relationship he was in with chick (I will not address her ever in life with btw). So I stayed away. I didn’t know he was really going through it. I had no idea he wanted to end it all in a permanent way. When I got home from school his mom called me asking me to come over with the key to his room. We were that close, I had the key to his room, he had the password to my Myspace.
His mom was worried after coming home from a weekend business trip and having not seen Patrick yet. So I went over to unlock his door. There was music playing softly, a song that we later found was on repeat. His computer was playing, “Adam’s Song” By Blink-182. We saw him there instantly. He looked sad and lost. He was not at peace. His eyes were open and he looked scared. But he was not there anymore. He was gone. He had taken his own life. I lost my best friend that day. I lost the one person I was close with on a plane that did not exist in reality.
Ultimately I hated him and I blamed myself. I hated that he couldn’t reach out to me. He wrote me a short letter. That’s all I got. A short letter. No real reasons why. Just a good-bye. I always wanted to know why. Deep down, why? Not the superficial reason he wrote about in his diaries he conveniently left out for us to read. I wanted his core reason, deep down. Why he would leave me in this world to fight it alone. He was my PIC (Partner In Crime).
Now jump to the week of April 10, 2017…
I hadn’t realized how much Patrick’s death affected me still. As I sat through the 13 episodes of “13 Reasons Why”, I began to see his face in the main character, Hannah. I began to see his reasons why. And even though I was broken by his death he was broken to his death. I went through guilt this past week and a half. Struggling with the hatred I held for him for so long. The respect I let myself lose for him. When what he did was selfish, I sat there being selfish as well. Now I do not blame myself, but I do send caution to those in these situations. For a week my best friend attempted in his way to reach out to me, but I wasn’t there. I will not go into what-ifs or regret, but if I had heard him louder I could have been there.
Since then I have had friends who have lost it and have secluded themselves into their homes for weeks. And I have went out of my way to be there for them. Patrick, you taught me a valuable lesson: to listen. I listen now to everyone and everything. I overcompensate sometimes and am over bearing. But I will never not hear someone needing my help ever again. I will never have too many things going on in my life to where I cannot be there.
This show is graphic in the end and some critics are urging caution when watching the show. I urge you to watch this show. Everyone. This series shows us the realities of suicide. How it can affect a whole community. How when we think we have so much noise in our lives, when there is someone with no noise in theirs. And what’s worse, all the noise and chaos? Or no noise, solitude with no one there to sit with you in the silence?
4/10/2006. You live on through me;
My Patrick Star, I will always be your Spongebob.
Her body moves gracefully through the night air,
The moon illuminating every curve of her body,
His eyes are stuck on her…
Her hands always motioning for him to move closer,
to embrace her soul as she dances it away,
Anticipation burns in both
but neither make the move…
She dances for him…
His eyes are for her…
This moment is for them…
Your eyes were open but you did not see…
You walked your path but you did not believe,
You struggled with self-doubt…
Her hand was there but you did not grab it…
Her path was open but you refused to walk it,
She struggled with letting go…
Their past will always be their future…
Two souls intertwined, forever bound,
to each other…
They struggled with moving forward…
They walk their paths, separate but near…
Accomplishing self-goals for the bigger picture,
They don’t even see it…
I am writing a series of short stories that will eventually intertwine. Here is the beginning to the first story in the series. Now this is my second draft and I am working on a third now. I have a problem with present and past tenses, ha-ha. But this story is about 13 pages long. This is just the beginning 2 or 3 pages. Please enjoy and any comments are much appreciated…
Her cigarette burns as the sun set behind the Tower Bridge. The cool air blows through her curly chestnut hair, hinting that fall was coming. She took another drag as it became darker and the last bit of sun glistened on the bright golden bridge. She flicks the rest. They always leave a bad taste in her mouth towards the end, almost as if it’s a reminder that she shouldn’t be smoking anyway. She decided to head through the cobble-stone streets of Old Sacramento towards a destination not thought of yet. All she knew was that she didn’t want to be stagnant any loner, so she walked. She hugged her jacket a little closer as the wind began to pick up. It was always colder by the river. She hurried through the smell of fudge being made fresh at the chocolate store towards the beginning of the mall that isn’t anymore. She decided to take J street, where you could see the new Kings arena being built into the non-existent downtown mall.
She walked with a blank expression on her face, carrying no glimpse of what was going on in her head. There were people on the street but she didn’t notice them. They seemed like blurs of existence in her life. Just blurring past her in an endless continuous motion, one that could only manifest downtown amongst the suits and state-workers. She decided to get a coke icee, those were always a good choice, even in the cold. She decided to head towards the Seven Eleven on J street. A gust of air blew the scent of the urine filled alleyways into her nostril forcing the first expression onto her face all day. One of anticipated disgust. She lit another smoke as she trudged on blankly.
“Can you spare another?” asked a homeless man that was sitting on the sidewalk a couple blocks away from the 7/11.
“Sure.” she said as she hands him her last cigarette.
“Oh that’s okay if it’s your last.” he said.
She wasn’t sure what to make of the homeless man, who has nothing and who was willing on giving up possibly his only chance at a smoke that night. She stared at him blankly for a moment as her cigarette burned slowly. She flicked her smoke and took a drag as he said, “It’s okay girl.”
“Please, you have nothing.” she said rather quickly.
“That’s it though. I have nothing and I know that. You have something and having nothing when you have something is worse than my situation.” he replied.
As he said this his eyes pierced through her. She shivered at his piercing glare. He must have seen the loss in her eyes. Not the physical loss of someone but the loss of self. The loss of everything you knew and the look of having no one to lean on. She still couldn’t grasp what he was saying. Instead she smiled at him and wished him a good night. She knew she was going to buy more smokes with her icee but didn’t argue. As she walked on she heard him shiver as the wind blew passed them. She made it to 7/11 and bought her icee, pack of smokes, and a hot dog and hot coco for the kind homeless man. He gave her something she didn’t have earlier, or maybe never had, he had given her comfort.
She walked back in the direction of the man but when she reached the area he was at he was gone. She looked around but saw no trace of the man. She looked at the area he was at and sat down. The wind picked up for a bit and she began to regret her icee choice. She sat there in the mans spot drinking the hot coco and eating the hot dog. She didn’t have as bad as this guy did. She started to think of her life and how she got here. She didn’t like her past. It hurt too much.
When she was four years old she remembers her mother kissing her on the forehead and crying through her deep blue eye shadow, “Good-Bye Kit, I love you,” she said. The blue eye shadow she only wore on one eye. She told Kit and her brother, Shane it was because she was pirate. But her mothers face was always a blur, except her eye shadow.
After Shane turned 9, their father began beating him. At first for small things like entertaining her or leaving toys out. Eventually their father drank so much he would beat Shane because he was bored. He would kick her around too every once and awhile but usually she hid in the back of the closet reading books by flashlight. Shane kept her father at bay and took a lot of beatings to the point he started standing up for himself, which only made things worse. This is where she usually stops. She never goes further.
She packs her smokes and lights another one. Her mouth is dry but all she has is icee. She drinks it up and smokes her cig. The smell of rain begins to slowly fill the air. It will rain tonight. She smiles and feels warm as if she can hear Sacramento and feel her land embracing the upcoming water. California has been thirsty for awhile now and this little bit of rain means hope to her inhabitants. Kit is too cold now and she has work in the morning so she begins the trek home. She just hopes her power is still on.